posture matters...

I write so often about issues related to the church growing in love for the LGBTQ community, that the recent public murders in the black community seemed out of my lane. I’ve felt quiet in my spirit, pondering what is profitable for me to say. What could I say? 

What’s come over and over to my mind is a series of “ opportunities” the Lord put in front of me over the years related to learning a humble posture. I’ve found that in any situation, with any variety of people, especially with those different from myself for whatever reason, my posture matters a great deal. I’ve shared some thoughts about my posture towards the LGBTQ community here.

But the swirling discussion around race has brought to mind the many ways the Lord taught me humility prior to my engagement with any sexual or gender identity issues.

I did not learn humility at home growing up. But upon graduating from college and settling in a church and home as an adult, the lessons came routinely!

It started with being a youth leader in a predominantly white suburb in Ohio. We had a biracial teen begin attending our youth group, along with a mix of white kids from various backgrounds: farming, wealthy parents, abusive parents, believing parents, homeschooled, and athletic. It would have been easy to just work through the curriculum each week assuming that they had similar experiences because they were all teens from Medina, Ohio. But the Lord gave opportunities to sit, to listen, to ask questions, and to begin to understand the power of presence in a person’s life. A long time friend recent complimented me (although he just stated it as a fact) by saying, “you taught me the ‘theology of presence’ long before it was a term or a cool idea.”

That same youth group began serving at an urban summer camp in South Bend, Indiana in the spring of 1989. I would be forever changed by my experiences two weeks a year for the next twelve years. For both my teens and I the experience at Camp Ray Bird was hugely cross cultural and deeply impacting. I began to see the Lord challenge ways of thinking that I had grown up with. I learned experientially that we were all image bearers, all beloved of God. And my heart grew restless in my white suburb. 

My husband and I began to pray that the Lord would move us, plant us with people different than us, and teach us about sacrifice.

The Lord did indeed answer our prayers and move us to the very camp that we had come to love to serve there full time. Urban South Bend was quite a growing experience for us as we sought to understand the cultures of the campers that would come for a week's stay each summer.

Humility and posture would be driven home to me over the course of two summers interacting with an older counselor (male) the Lord brought to serve with us. Tall, black, urban upbringing, outspoken, with a large personality. That first summer we rarely saw eye to eye. But as he did not work for me, in my mind, we would agree to disagree. As we interacted during that following school year, he confronted me about some ways that I related to him that he believed were fueled by racial bias. I did not agree. 

Thankfully, my boss and friend at the time sent the two of us to a park for the better part of a day to talk. My boss/friend said, “I don’t know if your dislike is fueled by racism, but the Godly response here is to sit, listen, seek to understand, and to seek reconciliation.”

Nothing to disagree with there.

So we sat at the park. We talked for hours. I cried some of the time as I listened to him explain how he felt relating to me. We left that park having begun a genuine friendship that continues to today- fifteen or so years later. 

There have been many other opportunities for me to allow the Holy Spirit to expose my areas of bias and grow my posture in ways that reflect and honor Him.

 As our summer staff has become more integrated, I’ve watched and worked through issues of racial bias in the high school staff room. Cultural difference in responses and behavior are not necessarily a discipline issue and that takes practice for the (often) white leadership staff to learn.

I’ve been able to learn and then train our summer staff in ways to de-escalate angry situations instead of demanding their rights to be heard by a camper. Helping them respond as the older, more mature human being that they are.

I’ve been accused of being racist by teen girls campers (they can be an angry bunch) and have learned to sit, listen, and ask where they see racism in me.

I’ve had the awesome privilege of writing and implementing curriculum with our older campers that speaks to issues of race (as well as several other challenging topics like fatherlessness, family dysfunction, gender, and sexuality) every week. We’ve had some incredible discussions with the teens.

And I pray that I’m not done learning. 

A  humble posture means being willing to sit silently and listen for as long as it takes the person across from me to feel heard. 

A humble posture means that I can be OK not knowing everything, I can listen and learn.

A humble posture means that I do my own homework and don’t make the person across from me teach me everything.

A humble posture means apologizing for wrongs done. Even systemic wrongs that I’m not personally responsible for.

A humble posture means allowing the Holy Spirit to show me biases that I hold, to expose those for the purpose of repentance and change.

A humble posture means that I, on purpose, put myself in situations where I am the minority.

A humble posture means asking questions and wanting to genuinely know the person across from me, not as a token representative of their race, ethnicity, or orientation.

It takes intentional effort. 

It will not happen accidentally. 

It takes perseverance. 

You will be mistrusted as you enter spaces where you are the minority. I experienced this over and over at the gay bar I began to hang out at as well as spaces at the local LGBTQ resource room. But we must recognize that trust has been broken systemically, and it will take presence and time to gain trust for yourself. Be willing to be present and take the time. Time shows value. 

COVID19 has slowed us all down a bit. Before you fill up your time slots as we begin to open things up, look for ways to be present and take time with those of a different race. 

Ask the Lord for develop a humble posture in you and see what he does. He is faithful to grow us in ways that reflect His character. He is humble and it honors Him when we pursue humility.