The year I turned 40...

It all began. When I turned 40, life took some unexpected turns that have led me here.

In 2005 I sat across a booth at Wendy’s with a young friend discussing her attraction to the same sex. That conversation, and the years that followed would forever change me.

I came to work in 2001 at an urban summer camp just outside of South Bend, Indiana. I’ve gotten to live through a tremendous rise in the number of teens expressing attractions to the same sex as well as teens with significant gender questions. It’s been a challenge and a privilege to walk alongside many journeying towards Jesus and wondering how that fits with their experience of gender and sexuality.

Today I’m fifty seven and am revisiting why I began to blog at all. And why should I continue? 

What is there left to say? Is there still something worth discussing?

I’ve been away from writing the past nine months during some leadership transitions at camp, and have been wondering if the Lord would have me continue. As that has been a clear “yes”, I thought it would be fun for us to head back to the beginning and for me to share a bit of how I came to be writing this at all.

It began with a prayer. I asked to understand what it was like to be gay. And I asked this multiple times during the day, day after day. Sitting with that camper in Wendy’s moved my heart. I saw that not only did I not understand her experience (being gay), I also did not understand the history or terminology surrounding the discussion. 

Working at Camp Ray Bird had put me in place to hear the stories of our campers and staff. But the Lord wanted me to be equipped to walk alongside them towards Him, towards a faithful stewarding of their gender and sexuality in ways that led to holiness and Christlikeness. And that would take some work!

I had little paradigm for this in my church (I can’t remember much explicit teaching) or my life experience, but desired to see that change. 

I had no idea of how to change this, so I prayed. Walking, sitting, reading, the simple sentence “Lord, help me understand” echoed in my mind constantly it seemed.

I wanted to be able to see life through the eyes of my friend. She was gay and experienced the world differently than I did on many levels, and I wanted to understand. And I wanted to love her and others well.

Several years after that conversation in Wendy’s, the Lord challenged me through a book to “do something”. Anything, do anything, the book encouraged. So willingly I allowed the Lord to lead me on a journey of places and people. 

 I heard of a group in Chicago that met biweekly with open discussions aimed at bringing the church & gay communities to the same table.  Meeting with this group of LGBTQ Christians would teach me more than I could have imagined. In Chicago I learned to hear deeply as I listened. I also spent a lot of time crying as I heard stories of people wounded largely by the church body. I learned terminology. I said aloud to others what I had been praying for months now, “I want to learn”.

That same season brought me to a group called PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays) where I listened and learned to articulate my sexual ethic. This was challenging for me as no one else in the room shared my thoughts about what God intended in the area of sexuality and gender. And perhaps more importantly than learning to articulate what I believed- I learned to speak in ways that didn’t immediately offend those listening. I learned the meaning of ‘nuance’ and ‘staying in the conversation’.

My pastor at the time sat with me through piles of doctrine questions, sorting through Greek and Hebrew words, historical teaching, and various lenses through which I could better understand scripture. 

And still I continued to pray for understanding. I read copious amounts of books. I asked way too many questions. I learned to listen more than talk. But God was faithful in the teaching. I prayed to understand and to “do something” and He continued to speak into that space and provide things to”do”.

I spent hours hanging out at a local gay bar. I spent several days at The Center on Halstead (the country’s largest LGBTQ center). I heard lectures in the Women’s Studies department at our local college IUSB. 

My simple prayer has shaped my thoughts, beliefs and choices these past years. And honestly, it also made me a pretty weird human in my circles of people. Most of my friends grew up in the same church paradigm that I had- and it didn’t include many gay and trans friends, or much time in spaces where LGBTQ people were the majority.

I came to realize that the Lord had put me in a place to learn and be challenged. People around me had shared their stories and allowed me to accompany them on their journey. And all these unique experiences had shaped my thoughts and desires. It began to occur to me that the Lord had given me a great gift or much understanding, and much would be required and be birthed from that gift.

Because the church is made up of many people like myself, I realized that sharing my path, my learning, my misconceptions, and my failures, could perhaps challenge others as well. And that as a Church, we could become better lovers of people, and able to articulate truth in ways that drew people to the Lord.

So there it is. The beginning. 

My express desire is to see the evangelical church love LGBTQ believers and non believers in more “felt” ways.

That our reputation would not be “opposes gay people”.

That we would use language in a way that people are drawn to our Savior.

That we would clearly see our sin of pride in this area.

That our churches and spaces would be deeply safe and nurturing for our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.

I could go on and on…

If you’d like to grow alongside me, subscribe and read. Message and we can have coffee! Let’s see the church in our generation love in truth and lead in grace.